This post is a bit heavy for a Monday, but it’s something that I wanted to share with y’all. Consider yourself warned.
In person, I’m fairly honest when it comes to my feelings. I have to be. I don’t have a ‘poker face’ and my emotions show through as if you were looking at a window. But here, in this space, I don’t have to be. I generally am honest with you, but not so much recently. I’ve been holding on to some things in my personal life – some for a few weeks, some (embarrassingly enough) for months. It hasn’t been pretty, and these feelings of anger/frustration have held me back in more ways than one. I was placing blame on everything – hormones, work, sleep schedule. It wasn’t any of that; it was me.
Last week, it got to the point where I had enough. I made an appointment with one of our guidance counselors at school. We had a wonderful conversation about many things but mainly about my personality and how it relates to forgiveness. It was an enlightening talk and I came out of the room with a better sense of myself and a renewed peace. I own my feelings, and that’s okay. But there’s a time and place for everything, and holding onto things – especially bad things – isn’t good. It’s not good for my job, it’s not good for my marriage, it’s not good for my sleep or eating habits; it’s simply not good for anyone or anything! So I let those things that were holding me back go. I looked at the bigger picture, left my pettiness behind me, and immediately felt better.
Each year, the senior class goes on a three-day retreat and in that time, they open up to each other in a way they never have before. It helps them bond and truly come together as a class before graduating. They reveal their fears and secrets to each other. It’s a once in a lifetime experience, and I was there on the first weekend to witness a part of it. It was a powerful event for both the students and the adult witnesses. I can’t wait to return with the second group now that I’ve come to terms with certain aspects of my own life.
Moral of these stories? Being vulnerable isn’t always a bad thing. Being mad isn’t, either. There’s no shame in asking for help. Learning when to hold something and when to let it go is important. It’s a lesson I’m still working on mastering. I’m glad I sought help in moving me to a better place. The shift has brought be back to the consistently happy and optimistic person I deserve to be 🙂