Holding On (and Letting Go)

This post is a bit heavy for a Monday, but it’s something that I wanted to share with y’all. Consider yourself warned.

Holding-on-to-anger...-Buddha

In person, I’m fairly honest when it comes to my feelings. I have to be. I don’t have a ‘poker face’ and my emotions show through as if you were looking at a window. But here, in this space, I don’t have to be. I generally am honest with you, but not so much recently. I’ve been holding on to some things in my personal life – some for a few weeks, some (embarrassingly enough) for months. It hasn’t been pretty, and these feelings of anger/frustration have held me back in more ways than one. I was placing blame on everything – hormones, work, sleep schedule. It wasn’t any of that; it was me.

Last week, it got to the point where I had enough. I made an appointment with one of our guidance counselors at school. We had a wonderful conversation about many things but mainly about my personality and how it relates to forgiveness. It was an enlightening talk and I came out of the room with a better sense of myself and a renewed peace. I own my feelings, and that’s okay. But there’s a time and place for everything, and holding onto things – especially bad things – isn’t good. It’s not good for my job, it’s not good for my marriage, it’s not good for my sleep or eating habits; it’s simply not good for anyone or anything! So I let those things that were holding me back go. I looked at the bigger picture, left my pettiness behind me, and immediately felt better.

Each year, the senior class goes on a three-day retreat and in that time, they open up to each other in a way they never have before. It helps them bond and truly come together as a class before graduating. They reveal their fears and secrets to each other. It’s a once in a lifetime experience, and I was there on the first weekend to witness a part of it. It was a powerful event for both the students and the adult witnesses. I can’t wait to return with the second group now that I’ve come to terms with certain aspects of my own life.

Moral of these stories? Being vulnerable isn’t always a bad thing. Being mad isn’t, either. There’s no shame in asking for help. Learning when to hold something and when to let it go is important. It’s a lesson I’m still working on mastering. I’m glad I sought help in moving me to a better place. The shift has brought be back to the consistently happy and optimistic person I deserve to be 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Holding On (and Letting Go)

  1. It’s definitely important to talk about anger. Often, anger covers up fear or hurt. I’m glad you’re starting to feel better. When you feel angry, try using “I feel statements” ie I feel upset when you yell at me. I’m here if you need to talk 🙂

    Denise

    • Thanks for the support. The anger/frustration was certainly acting as a substitute for other emotions. It’s good to have moved on, but important to remember that those feelings are okay to have and own in the moment. Just let it ONLY be that appropriate amount of time and not drag them out longer than necessary 🙂

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